Saturday, May 27, 2006

A Birthday Like No Other

May 26, 2006, my 25th birthday. No big deal though, I'm not much for birthday celebrations. I'd rather mark my life with enlightenment obtained, rather than a number of years lived on this planet. One of my major life goals is to live without time. I'm not sure when, or if it's even possible, but at some point in my life I plan to rid myself of every clock and watch I own. Time is one of my biggest downfalls. No matter how early I leave for work, I always feel rushed. And I can't stand it. I want no more appointments to make, places to be at certain times, rushing to meet deadlines. Being at work waiting for that 8th hour to come is ridiculous. Everyone is always so quick to get.............where? The only thing I seek in life is a timeless event. Enlightenment is not obtained, it is lived. I must remember this.

Time is not the reason I logged on to my blog today. Synchronicity is. The more I bocome aware of it, the more frequently I see that it occurs. It's a bit of a story, so bare with me. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I had the statement "don't die with your music still in you" in my head. It had me thinking about all of the things throughout my life that I felt a bit of inspiration to do, and then killed it with thoughts of hopelessness. Playing the harmonica was one of them. Ever since I was a little kid I've been interested in this instrument. Well, for the first time since I was about 8 years old, I had the desire to learn to play this thing. As with most thoughts, I daydreamed about it for a few minutes and it passed. It was one of those everyday, disconjointed thoughts that we all have. It never made it's way beyond a thought.

Yesterday was my birthday. I don't celebrate them, and everyone who knows me, knows this about me. No cake, no party, no gifts. It's all really not needed with me. I haven't gotten a birthday gift in years. Yesterday morning I went outside to have a smoke, as I do every morning, and there was a gift bag sitting in front of my door. I could see a book sticking out of it, to include a card. I went about my smoke and figured I'd grab it on my way in. So, I did just that. I set it on my kitchen table, and glanced at the book without picking it up. It's a music book. My son was getting into something so I left it, still unopened, thinking to myself "what in the hell would my mother buy me a music book for". So now I'm interested. Ten minutes later I get back to it, and take three items out of this bag. The book is a book to teach yourself how to play the harmonica. Turns out this harmanica was my uncles. The uncle that committed suicide a few years back. I'm standing here with a harmonica in one hand and this book in the other, tears in my eyes, having a complete spiritual experience. Tearing up again already. All I can think of is "how the hell did she know?". I didn't tell anybody, and the thought was so quick that I barely even remembered having it. This was too synchronistic to be a coincidence.

I'm speechless. I've had synchronistic experiences before, but none like this. Somebody, or something, knew that I needed this experience. This will be one of those life marks that I will never forget. And, coincidentally, a birthday I will never forget. Writing this out has brought to that place of calm and peacefulness. So forgive me if I am abruptly cutting this short, but I think I'm going to enjoy this while it's here.


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