Saturday, May 27, 2006

A Birthday Like No Other

May 26, 2006, my 25th birthday. No big deal though, I'm not much for birthday celebrations. I'd rather mark my life with enlightenment obtained, rather than a number of years lived on this planet. One of my major life goals is to live without time. I'm not sure when, or if it's even possible, but at some point in my life I plan to rid myself of every clock and watch I own. Time is one of my biggest downfalls. No matter how early I leave for work, I always feel rushed. And I can't stand it. I want no more appointments to make, places to be at certain times, rushing to meet deadlines. Being at work waiting for that 8th hour to come is ridiculous. Everyone is always so quick to get.............where? The only thing I seek in life is a timeless event. Enlightenment is not obtained, it is lived. I must remember this.

Time is not the reason I logged on to my blog today. Synchronicity is. The more I bocome aware of it, the more frequently I see that it occurs. It's a bit of a story, so bare with me. About 2 or 3 weeks ago, I had the statement "don't die with your music still in you" in my head. It had me thinking about all of the things throughout my life that I felt a bit of inspiration to do, and then killed it with thoughts of hopelessness. Playing the harmonica was one of them. Ever since I was a little kid I've been interested in this instrument. Well, for the first time since I was about 8 years old, I had the desire to learn to play this thing. As with most thoughts, I daydreamed about it for a few minutes and it passed. It was one of those everyday, disconjointed thoughts that we all have. It never made it's way beyond a thought.

Yesterday was my birthday. I don't celebrate them, and everyone who knows me, knows this about me. No cake, no party, no gifts. It's all really not needed with me. I haven't gotten a birthday gift in years. Yesterday morning I went outside to have a smoke, as I do every morning, and there was a gift bag sitting in front of my door. I could see a book sticking out of it, to include a card. I went about my smoke and figured I'd grab it on my way in. So, I did just that. I set it on my kitchen table, and glanced at the book without picking it up. It's a music book. My son was getting into something so I left it, still unopened, thinking to myself "what in the hell would my mother buy me a music book for". So now I'm interested. Ten minutes later I get back to it, and take three items out of this bag. The book is a book to teach yourself how to play the harmonica. Turns out this harmanica was my uncles. The uncle that committed suicide a few years back. I'm standing here with a harmonica in one hand and this book in the other, tears in my eyes, having a complete spiritual experience. Tearing up again already. All I can think of is "how the hell did she know?". I didn't tell anybody, and the thought was so quick that I barely even remembered having it. This was too synchronistic to be a coincidence.

I'm speechless. I've had synchronistic experiences before, but none like this. Somebody, or something, knew that I needed this experience. This will be one of those life marks that I will never forget. And, coincidentally, a birthday I will never forget. Writing this out has brought to that place of calm and peacefulness. So forgive me if I am abruptly cutting this short, but I think I'm going to enjoy this while it's here.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Have a mind that is open to everything
and attached to nothing -Dr. Wayne Dyer

This is secret number one in Wayne Dyers "10 secrets for success and inner peace". Secret number one is quite a concept if, in fact, you can fully grasp it. I know from personal experience that every time I have become attached to some idea or physical thing, more so the ideas, I have put my foot in my mouth. Who's to say that my ideas are any more real than yours or anyone elses? I humbly look back over the past few years, and every time I entered a new phase of my growth there was some sort of idea or thing that I became deathly attached to. Needless to say, it lead to complete anguish and, more or less, self destruction. First thought is to be embarrassed of those situations. But deeper thought allows me to laugh about it and realize that it was completely neccessary for my development.

Grasping the principle is one thing, and living it is a totally different ball game. Ego immediately jumps in and wants to tell me how others are so wrong. "Well, catholics and their baptisms are crazy." "Christians, in general, and their hardcore following of the old testament are way off course." Then it dawns on me. To them my ideas seem just a ridiculous. We are all living a path. Some are more bumpy than others. Some take a detour, and some a straight shot. But they are all headed toward the same thing. No matter what name you want to give it, or how you wish to believe it to be once you get there. Despite the road we choose, it's going to feel the same to every single one of us.

Let me take a detour here for a minute. I intentionally say "live" the path, rather than walk or travel. For most of my life, on and off like a yo-yo diet, I have tried to walk the path. And on the way I missed every rest stop, and every single bit of beautiful scenery the path has to offer. By living the path, we make the path a part of us. We become one with it. And in being aware of the path and all of its surroundings, I believe, is where we find ourselves and whom we truly are. If I am one with this universe and everything in it, how could I fail to realize myself if I'm experiencing the path?

Let me jump back on the "path", if you will. Set aside spiritual beliefs and ideas for a moment, and view this principle from all other areas of life. Am I attached to my judgements of people, and places? My answer is yes. Am I attached to my judgements of myself? That's another yes. How can I rid myself of judgement altogether if I have not yet realized the judgement in the first place? I think if you were to ask most people if they knew what their judgement of thier self was, they wouldn't know off the top of their head. And after deeper thought, they would realized these judgements, all of them, weren't theirs in the first place. They were projected onto them from others. Our awareness of ourselves is so lacking that we didn't even know "our" judgements and ideas about everything, weren't even our own. Which brings me back to open mindedness.

Staying open minded to everything is really all I can do. The minute I become attached to something that probably wasn't mine in the first place, I've begun to just "walk" the path again. I put the blinders on and I miss out on everything that is. Life is meant to be lived, not survived.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Conversation for the Ages

Interesting thoughts and ideas I thought others might like to hear and add to. Enjoy.

Nameless said...
What's up, brother? I was just thinking that you don't comment on your own posts anymore. Or haven't done it in a while anyway. My friend, the same things that amaze you amaze me as well. The human mind is a terrible thing to waste......ha, yeah right. Whoever the hell came up with that idea sure had some insight. The human mind is what makes us "think" that it's a terrible thing to waste. If the mind is one thing, it is certainly self-serving. Of course it wouldn't want you to waste it, but make the most use of it. I for one wish that it would stop working most days. Haven't been successful with that one yet. Still trying!!That within This Dream...many now, are truly AWAKEning...(whilst some are falling deeper asleep) My friend, the line between these two states of being is very fine. So fine in fact, that I had to read that a few times before I could really grasp that idea. One question.....since all is illusory anyway, are they "reallY" falling into a deeper sleep? Actually, we'll make it two questions. Being that we are all one, does my realization to include yours, turn their sleep into wakefullness? I mean, me seening others in their "sleep" only reinforces my, as well as yours and every other "being", view of "reality". Does any of this make sense? Or am I just talking myself in circles? I'm good at that. By the way, I think that was four questions, are you gonna start charging me? Dammit, that was number 5. Anyway, good to hear from you again. Take care. Afterall, you are my parallel self.

Your Parallel Self : I AM said...
I guess you could say...that regardless of who comments on my posts - I AM still responding to my SELF...I agree with you that the mind (and I guess the Ego's in the same boat too) is what makes us 'think' that it's a terrible thing to waste. I'd say too, that it can either be (hmmm - Duality again...) a blessing or a curse...depending on how we use it.The Ego (looking around and seeing that it's separate, tries to protect itself, and keep itself alive & functioning) would have us believe that we must survive at all costs - thus kinda hi-jacking the 'vehicle'. The 'hitch-hiker' in some instances, takes over from the 'soul' driver, and swerves and speeds all over the path.Self-swerving...I mean, self-serving? I guess, it depends on which 'Self' we're talking about - the small 'self', or the YOUniversALL SELF. Or are both truly reflections of ONE another?With the mind/brain equalling the steering wheel (and dashboard), the Soul being the Driver, and the Ego being the backstreet driver/hitch-hiker/passenger...the 'vehicle' can often be quite a noisy little affair!They all want us to think they're indispensable, and in this dimension of length, breadth and width...they kinda are. But once we transcend this realm of physicality...all these 'tools' will become obsolete.We won't be driving 'cars' anymore. We'll be flying...Without spaceships too.Your second paragraph had me thinking too (or should that be...had me steering my wheel?) As illusory as it ALL's all equally paradoxical. Multidimensional, or ONE Dimension appearing as many?If I was to look around me and notice 'sleeping' people...I also know this is a direct statement & a reflection of my own SELF. Do I judge unfairly these sleepwalkers? Or do I love them without condition? - realising that it's because of their sleep condition that I can fool myself into thinking that I AM awake?As we are all ONE - 'they' are not asleep...I AM - 'through' them, yet I have also set it up so that I can view them/me (view my Self) within The Dream.I AM sure that the I AM operating 'through' some of them might look at me and be thinking the same thing - that as I walk along the street with my i-pod blaring, staring into the sky...that I too must be asleep.Nothing is as it seems, and appearances are just that...It's all a matter of perspective - The ONE perspective through infinite I's.Maybe just maybe I've got it all wrong (as opposed to right? Hmm - Duality again! See how annoying it is to use this limited 3D-based language?!) Maybe, (and I'm willing to entertain this thought), just maybe, EVERYONE around me IS Awake & lucid...and only appearing asleep for my benefit - because for some reason or other, I believe them to be. Thus 'they' BE & LIVE that which I believe...being an extension & reflection of me...or the I AM.Maybe it's all just a grand play playing up to my expectations, thoughts and beliefs. Maybe everyone's just acting. Maybe the YOUniverse is playing some huge joke on me. Maybe everyone's waiting for 'me' to wake up - the last one out of the gates! Ha! And when & if I ever do - the entire world will scream in YOUnison : 'Surprise!'So, since it's all illusory...yes, is anyone ever really asleep? Or am I just imagining it? Am I also imagining own Wakefulness? Or is my arriving at a polarised conclusion ironically crating the opposite of what I think is occuring? Have the 'sleepwalkers' (which I've created from my own beliefs) in turn created 'me' to view themselves - regardless of their state? Does a 'victim' manifest/create a 'perpetrator' to reinforce his or her own belief about his or her self? How can they be a (self-created) victim if they don't create someone or something to victimise them? Behind all the creating stands a Master. Whether they notice or recognise this, is again, up to them...Is it only the truly Awake who look around them (or alternatively, within Them SELF), and see everyONE 'else' as AWAKE too - thus reinforcing the realization that The ONE is AWAKE...and no-one asleep? Would this then cause everything to implode (Duality YOUnifies - Cosmic Balance thrown out) and hence, cause the 'program' to then reboot and reload or something?Oh geez - See? The more I say...the less sense I make (I know you understand me on this). The more I try to answer several questions...the more questions I end up with!I can say an awful lot and say nothing at all. I can say nothing and it can reveal ALL. Aah - Such is the sweetness of paradox.Thank You for your response...It's been a fun ride for You to respond to yOUR SELF 'through' the 'me' you've imagined.In fact, because of all this...I've kinda short-circuited my brain (jammed the steering wheel?), and now I just sit here in a state of no-mind.Like in meditation - Thought has cancelled itself out, mind is at rest, Duality YOUnified, with Soul looking out at Its SELF all wide-I'd and in awe.No ideas. No thoughts. No opinions.Just Being.Human Being.YOUniversALL Lak'ech : A Mayan Greeting meaning, 'I AM Another You'Thank You friend...for flying with me. Sweet Lucid Dream.

Nameless said...
In fact, because of all this...I've kinda short-circuited my brain (jammed the steering wheel?), and now I just sit here in a state of no-mind.Man, I can't tell you how true this is. When I read this description of what happens after thinking too much, it gave me the chills. I have experienced this so much, and never really had the words to describe it. I've felt it occur, but never really got it. The next thing for me to meditate on is "why?". What is it about thinking too much or, in circles as I like to say, that causes this nothingness of the mind? It is sort of a calming and relaxing place to be. I think this realization is something of importance and needs to be realized further. For me anyway. Why is it that all this thinking I do, all the while thinking it's getting me somewhere, leads to this state of no-mind? My mind is already starting to trail off so this time I think I'm going to embrace it and see what happens. Good day my friend.

This isn't all. I'm sure there'll be more realized truths to be discussed here.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Daily Thought

Another day has come and gone. They seem to go quicker and quicker. On one hand that is good because it mean that my stay here at the Earth Inn will end more quickly. On the other hand the quicker it goes the less I'll be able to do. Here I am, 24 years old, and have done very little with, and in, my life. I have never seen a mountain or the ocean. Have never lived a carefree day. Have never fully looked into my soul. Have never been allowed to look into the soul of another. And as far as "with" my life, that list can be quite long. I haven't gotten a higher education. Hell, I barely even graduated High School. I work a job that I hate. There are many personal goals I dream of, but have never even begun to work on. Groundhog Day. Over and over and over. It's the same thing. I rarely pay any attention to what day it is anymore. They all run together. The present is always quite boring. However, right now I look to another day.

That's what this is all about. This blog, this life, the whole world. I forget this most of the time, but this is the only thing that I know to be true. We are here to learn and experience, the so called good and the bad. But how might I get anything out of it when I'm in constant fear of the unknown? I look forward to learning and experiencing new things. But for some reason when things get a little chaotic, or peacful for that matter, that goes right out the window. It's like everything that's real inside this human form shuts down or is blocked off and I immediately revert back to instinct. Instinct can be a tricky thing. It's good when you need to survive, but beyond that it only causes problems.

Usually the chaos is not the problem, it's the peace. I, my body, does not know how to react to quiet. Every waking moment we are taking in all kinds of stimulation, whether it be noise, touch, or sight. Thoughts constantly running through our heads. When that peace and quiet does come it's like somebody just dropped a fucking atom bomb. Now my life is in chaos. The noise our minds create is suddenly like a child that won't go to bed. Have you ever sat in another room after putting down a child that does not want to go to bed? Experience this and you will know what I mean.

I know that I'm not the only one that goes through this. I can't be, or I wouldn't be normal. The human condition may affect us all in different ways but it's playing the same game with every one of us. I truly envy those that have gotten past this. Those that have complete control of mind and body. My question to them is: is this a personal journey, or is it something that can be taught to me? Honestly, I have read countless books and while I've gained knowledge of the world around me, I have gotten no further to reaching this rnlightenment. I read everything I can get my hands on. I listen to everyone and everything I come across. I am eager to learn, ready to experience life. But where's my teacher? Who is going to help me down this road? I'll wait, and do what I can to maintain until this person comes. In fact I'll do my best to progress along the path while waiting for a teacher. I tend to think that we can't do things on our own. We need help. This blog is just another avenue of exploration, and has worked thus far. I can say that is has been enlightening as the present always is if I choose to observe. Until next time..........

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


With each day comes another decision. How will I deal with today? Most of the time, however, it does not present itself to me in this fashion. I usually have to struggle through a few hours before I remember that I have this choice to make once again. Some days I'll awaken in the best of moods, and most days are just terrible. The odd thing is those days I awaken with high spirits, not the bad ones. For some reason those good ones, sooner than later, turn sour. On occasion I have made the decision to "be good" when returning from work, but it just does not last. In both instances it's like a dark cloud moves in and takes over. When walking in the door, or setting both feet on the floor from bed. I tell you, it's not a good experience. One might say "make that decision again", but it's just not that simple. I would if only I could stay aware after this event takes place.

This post isn't meant for me to tell you a story from another one of my days. I'm seeking answers and responses. I know that there are people that comes across this site and, for whatever reason, choose not to read and post comments. I know that some of you people out there probably have valuble experiences to share with my and others alike. What is it allows you to stay aware and awake through your day? And if you're not able, what's your story? This individual being sitting in front of this monitor does not have all the answers. I will be the first to admit this. The only thing I know how to do is ask for help. It just seems that I ask the wrong people. Or I'm just looking in the wrong places. Any person that comes across this site has done so for some reason. Either you're searching for answers, or you're seeking out the student that needs the answers you have already obtained. That right there is what life is all about. All anyone is really doing here is learning. Sometimes easy, most times the hard way. Me, usually the hard way. If you've made it this far, then I'm sure you have something to say. Your time is much appreciated.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

New Ideas

Day in and day out I spend numerous hours pondering existance. Not just mine, but yours as well as everything else that I know. There countless questions that run through my mind. Questions which I have no answers to. And I'm not even sure that they can be answered, in this realm anyway. I know that most people claim to have some sort of "knowing". They know what God is. They know what life means. They know this and they know that. All I hear is blah, blah, blah. (By the way, I can be a smartass at times) I am just as open to the truth as the next person, but I have god or angelic being coming to give me the secrets of the Universe. I mean, how can anyone be so absolutely, positively sure of anything? That seems kind of naive to me. With so many out there claiming to have the right answers as opposed to those other people. Does this make any sense? You have Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and tons more. They all believe that they know the truth. And within these belief systems.........shhh!! each individual probably has their own ideas that stray from that of their organized system.

I'm not gonna sit here on my high horse, and yes it is high, and say that I've never had an idea of the way things are. Hell, if I never had those ideas I would have never progressed to newer and more refined. I say ideas because there is room for change in an idea. If I walk around saying "I believe this", well, beliefs are harder to change. I've come to the place in my life where I am learning to accept everyones "ideas" as worthwhile. At one time I wouldn't have. I went through my atheist stage, as well as my christian stage, and my muslim stage, and my hindu stage. And during each one of these phases I would have claimed to know the truth. "Come along and follow me", I would have told you. It seemed as if I NEEDED soemthing to believe in. I was going to be lost if I didn't have something to dedicate my faith to. And let me tell you, this caused many hours of depression and despair. I cursed God, my parents, the world, governments, and myself. Boy, I was lost. Lost when I had thought I found the truth.

Nowadays, I claim to know absolutely nothing. I have ideas which can change on a whim, but nothing in concrete. I accept what you believe and the ideas that someone else may have. This is what I do believe; all roads will lead to truth. Some easier and more direct than others. Some may take a little longer. But the fact of the matter is, we all seek the truth. In seeking the truth I ask many, many questions. Sometimes I can talk myself in circles, and get lost. But eventually I find my way back to the path and walk upright once again. I probably wouldn't suggest my path to anyone. Do what works for you. I think sometimes I cause myself unnecssary turmoil, but I'm learning not to fear life. How can one live if they walk in fear most of the time. Let me tell you, that isn't living. Walking in fear is dying. It drains you of every ounce of mental and physical energy a person has. Somehow, though, I think the only way to live is to first die. I won't go into explanation, anyone that has made it this far does not need mine.

I ask of you and anyone else; let us seek the truth. Formulate our own ideas and share them with eachother. Let go of the fear and live!! We're all in this together. When one of us finds the absolute truth we will all prosper. Until that point why not assist eachother rather than make it harder. You can't win a battle by defeating your own team. You get the point.

Well, this is my new blog!! A more positive track. I think I need one. The other two will remain because those are also a part of who I am. This is what I want to become. I thank anyone that is willing to walk this road with me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and ideas. Thanks for just being, whoever you may be. The world probably wouldn't be the same without your existance. For now I must rest. Until next time.........